Sick part II

After a week of coughing I went to "urgent care" in the hospital aka the doctor for people who don't have doctors.

I never miss him. I don't. I just miss what a relationship provides. Going to the movies, a call when they say they will call, dinner and dessert and laughing and caring. And today was no different. All those things are fairly superficial, and they are fun. But I am slowly discovering that what I care most about are the times that are not so fun.

I was sitting in the waiting room and I just broke down. Crying. I couldn't stand the fact that I was sitting in a hospital alone, with no one to ask me if I was okay, no one who cared. And I didn't want him to be there. No. Which made me cry even more. In the moment of desperation for someone the last person I wanted was him.

I have bronchitis with the beginning stages of pneumonia and no one is here to hold my hand. Every other thing I have gone through as a single person makes me feel empowered, independent, strong. But today all I really want is someone who wants to be beside me to hold my hand.